Soulmates: The quest for meaningful relationships
A few days ago, Ju texted me and asked if I wanted to go to a talk organized by Safinah Institute. I usually plan my schedule at least a week in advance but this came in really late. However the topics strikes a chord in me and somehow I felt compelled to attend the talk.
You see, I have been searching for my ‘soulmate’ my entire life but a few years ago, I have come to realise that perhaps not everyone will meet their ‘soulmate’ here in this dunya. Being the eldest female in a traditional malay family, it is inevitable for nosey relatives to keep asking when is the big day. I was shot with this persistent question ‘When are you getting married?’ since my early twenties and now, 10 years later, I still get asked this same question.
I used to feel offended whenever people say “Don’t be too choosy!” “Don’t wait too long, you are not getting any younger!” but the many years of hearing these predictable comments has successfully made me immune to it. In the first place, why can’t I be choosy? I will be spending my life with this person, of course I have to be choosy. I have to feel safe, secured and assured that the person I am marrying is the person who will guide me and my future children to Jannah insyaAllah. I cannot simply marry anybody.
It is also amusing when people tell me my age, because apparently the entire population of the world knows my age, except me, thus they felt the need to specifically tell me my age in my face.
This kind of backdated thinking still exists, sadly.
Throughout the years I became smarter with my answers so ladies, if someone ask you this million dollar question, you can give any of these as an answer.
1. When there is jodoh insyaAllah. (This is the nice and polite answer.)
2. Tomorrow. You didn’t get the invitation?
3. When you sponsor for my wedding?
4. December. (not stating the year)
5. When are YOU getting married? (Regardless of the marital status of the person asking. You can keep repeating this question until they give up talking to you.)
I personally like number 2.
Perhaps people are are concerned but be careful of those who cross the line from being concerned, to being simply nosey. It never cross their minds that perhaps the single lady is going through a heartbreak or a calamity. You never know what someone is going through. Asking this insensitive question will remind her of her troubles.
Generally, we all know that marriage is a happy occasion so rest assured when I do get married one day insyaAllah, I will make sure I announce it via all the social medias. There is no need to keep asking me. Unless, I really do not like you, so I am not inviting you.
You can see why I was attracted to this talk. Considering that the organizers only had one week to promote this talk, I thought the turnout was pretty good.
A soulful connection:
Souls are troops assembled together, and those who familiarised with each other (in the heaven where they are from) would have affinity with one another (in the world), and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the heaven), would also be divergent (in the world). – Narrated by Imam Muslim
Have you ever felt a connection with someone you met them for the first time? Similarly, have you ever felt repelled from someone even when you do not know them well? It is mainly because your souls knew each other way before your bodies do.
Therefore, Ustaz Mizi said that when you eventually meet your soulmate, you will be at peace when interacting with them.
However, as humans, we tend to make mistakes in our judgments. Therefore, when a separation occurs, know that they were only meant to stay in your life for a limited time and you should have the faith that it was all part of the Almighty’s plan. Dwelling on it and beating yourself up about this will do you no good.
While I feel that it is ok to take some time to grief, I also feel that you should trust in Him and His better plans for you. It will be difficult, but it is a necessity for your sanity and emotional well being.
Ladies, never ever allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself! To let the world know how fabulous you are, you have to believe that first.
A while ago I read someone wrote this. Why do we busy ourselves to search for our soulmate when it it is not guaranteed? Why do we not busy ourselves to prepare for death when it is guaranteed and may happen anytime?
I am done waiting for anyone, I work on me. I work on my iman, my health, my emotions, my education, my passion, there are so many things that one can work on. Why waste time? Our life here is too short. Maybe, who knows, you may only get to meet your soulmate in Jannah? Shouldn’t you focus on trying to get there too?
Unless of course, you want to meet your ‘soulmate’ in Hellfire, then ignore this entire ramblings of mine and live a life of ignorance.
Dearest sisters, I know how you feel. You should not fall into the trap of thinking lowly of yourselves. I know exactly how it feels to see your friends getting married one by one and start their own families. I know how it feels wondering if it will ever happen to you. I know you sometimes wonder if you will end up being alone your entire life. I know you have been heartbroken. I know you have been disappointed, even when you don’t mention it.
Like what Ustaz Mizi said, let love find you and trust in His timing. Everything will happen in its own time. Meanwhile, purity your heart and clarify your intentions. Redirect everything to the positives and make duas. Allah SWT is listening.
Thank you and congratulations Safinah Institute for this event. I thought it was too short as there were too many gems to be shared. I was delighted to hear that Atikah was going to be the emcee of the event and she has always been an inspiration to many ladies despite being so young. In fact, I always feel so inspired after attending every Safinah Institute talk because it is heartwarming to see so many young minds coming together in search of knowledge. Alhamdulilah.
Special thank you to Ju for picking me up and being such lovely company for the night. What would I do without you? ❤
May we find peace in our minds, love in our hearts and faith to restore whatever is broken, insyaAllah.