Don’t wait.

If you must wait, wait to be chosen everyday, wait to be reminded that you are special, wait to be loved in the way that you constantly love, wait to be taken seriously and wait for someone who doesn’t keep you waiting, because you know that you deserve better than waiting around for someone to make up their mind.

If there is one thing that this whole ordeal taught me, is patience has its limit. In the beginning when I started to feel pain in my legs, I wanted to wait to see if it will go away. I waited for the pain to be reduced. I have a high tolerance of pain but still, waiting in pain, literally, was depressing me. I finally made my way to the physiotherapist and when that did not reduce the pain, I made my way to the polyclinic and the hospital. The wait at the public clinic and hospital was horrendous. It was a 1.5 month wait for an appointment, and then another 1 month wait for an MRI. After hearing that I had to wait 3 months for my next appointment with the specialist doctor, I almost lost it.

I know that people say, be patient when you are going through a trial. I was. I did wait and be patient, to a point that it became unbearable. Everyone was telling me ‘Bear with it. Everyone goes through pain.’ But, how would you know how much pain I am going through when you have not experience it yourself? How can you advise someone base on assumptions and not experience?

Everyday was a torture and I cannot imagine waiting 3 more months to see the specialist doctor so I made the decision to change hospital. I painstakingly walked to the polyclinic in pain after work and requested another letter to be referred to SGH.

Now, looking back, I am glad I did. That was the best decision I have ever made. The appointment date given was 3 weeks away, MRI was one day after the appointment and when I finally met the specialist doctor, he suggested I do the surgery the very next day. Someone pulled out of surgery and there was an empty slot. Alhamdulilah! Allah swt works in mysterious ways and answered my prayers.

My point is, it is ok to be patient, for the right things. If you are suffering, why suffer in silence. Do something. Take action. Talk to someone. Think of solutions. Not everything is worth the wait.

After the surgery, I was so amazed that I could walk as per normal and the doctors, therapists kept checking my leg and kept asking if I could feel any touch. I was puzzled at first. When my specialist doctor / surgeon came to visit me on the hospital bed early in the morning, he said that it was good that I can feel their touches because initially before the surgery I was feeling tingling and numb in my legs every few minutes. He said that the nerve was being pinched by the discs thus it is irritated and the prolonged period of ‘waiting’ has caused it to be inflamed. Any longer, it could have resulted in nerve damage and one of the signs of nerve damage is the feeling of numb in the legs.

I was shocked. I did not realized that my condition was so serious. Imagined if I had waited till December? Who knows what would have happened.

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From this experience, I learnt something valuable. Patience is worthy only when you know what exactly you are waiting for. Patience is not waiting and wondering what the future holds. Patience is most certainly not waiting for something unpredictable.

I have lived my life in such a way that I will remain patient, when I know what is to be expected. Now, I will no longer wait for things or people that are unpredictable. I will no longer put myself through the ordeal of waiting.

Therefore, don’t wait. Don’t wait for things to get better. Don’t wait for others to help you. Don’t wait for you to get healthier, richer, slimmer. Don’t wait for inspiration. Don’t wait for signs. Don’t wait for a perfect time.

Most importantly, don’t take anything trivially. Make up your mind. Speak words from your heart. If something is important to you, tell them. If you appreciate someone, make it known to them. If you love someone, don’t assume they know.

Because before you know it, they may be on their way to somewhere else. The train waits for no one and you don’t want to miss your chance of being a little happier.

Photo taken in Vienna on the way to Salzburg. (June 2015)