One day you will make peace with your demons, and the chaos in your heart will settle flat. And maybe for the first time in your life, life will smile back at you and welcome you home. – R.M Drake
I turned a year older last Sunday. When I was in my twenties, my plan was to be married with kids backed with a successful and reputable career by this age. Oh well, one out of the two is good enough for now I guess. I have always felt that a job should be more than just an avenue for me to earn money. It should also be rewarding and fulfilling, and even though I often complain about how exhausting my job is, I think I make a positive impact in people’s life by doing what I do. I still love what I do but I know for sure that if given a choice to do this or take care of my family, I would choose the latter without any hesitation.
I am also sure that life should not all be about work. There is a an urgent necessity to keep a part of me for something else outside of work. For me, that would be my love for travel, write and dance.
Seeing the premature departure of my partner at work last year also taught me a lot of about life. I realized that one cannot depend on anyone too much, because you never know when that person is going away. I realized that regardless of your age, death is always nearby. I realized that not everyone will understand your actions and journey but it is ok. It is your life, not theirs.
I also realized how valuable and precious health is. I often take it for granted. At my partner’s deathbed, I saw how thin she had grown, I saw how evil cancer is. At that point of time, I realized that all the time we were whining about gaining weight were no longer important. I learned that while it is important to take care of my health, there is no need to obsess over anything. Everything will eventually work out at its own time.
So, while I am trying very hard to be satisfied about my current life, a part of me shall continue to strive on. To not give up, to have faith, and to continue to hold onto that little hope. If it works out well and life finally smile at me, Alhamdulilah.
If not, Alhamdulilah too, for all my past experiences shaped me into the unique person that I am today. Furthermore, I really need to stop worrying so much, all the fine lines are starting to appear on my face lol.
I understand, I think. It’s just that sometimes I feel that all this suffering is so unearned. That we work hard for happiness and suffering is for free – that it strucks us out of the blue. the only conclusion I have is that I should stand firmly on this ground and know who I am what I achieved and that I am not alone.
You know that you’re not alone, right? And you know that you’ve evolved into more understanding person, more compassionate because of all that happened. If we can’t predict death we should learn to cope with it, as if it was possible… maybe partially?
Omg Happy Birthday! Belated! Miss you heaps!
Miss u heaps too!!! Take gd care during this crazy race!!!!